once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
