I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
