You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
