Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
