I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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