just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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