my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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