I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
