remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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