We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
