U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
