Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
too bad you live with your parents still
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
