he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize