it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
