I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Let's get the cat blown out
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
