dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
