therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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