i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize