remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Someone shattered a urinal.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
