areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
