he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Panties = found
Randomize
