My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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