yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
