we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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