Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize