also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
