my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
