i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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