I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
