You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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