Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Buhtt sex?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I deserve this hangover.
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