think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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