It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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