If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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