My first STD was from a foam party
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
