Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
