he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
