Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
