we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
