trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My vagina just clenched in fear
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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