hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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