Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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