cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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