Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
