Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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