Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
