She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
