Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize