if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize