omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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