SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
