I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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