I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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