dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize