How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
