It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Randomize
