I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
