Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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