you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
