hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize