Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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