I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
