She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dignity is for republicans.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
