Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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