Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
