Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize