I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
