and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
