So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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