do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize